Will You Shine Or Shred?

My intentions were not to allow several months to pass without posting something new here. Life, however, had other plans. Family, friends and other projects had my focus. I've been thinking about this post since Christmas and New Years. Around that time, I finally watched what would be the last season of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. My wife Netflixed the season, and the DVDs were featured periodically on our TV for a few weeks.

He Said, She Said...But What Does God Say?

The media continues to showcase the implosion of Jon and Kate Gosselin's marriage. Sadly, many continue to take what the media spoon feeds them, accept it as gospel and truth, and react likely in support or judgment of Jon or Kate.

How fickle we can be. Poor Jon, mean Kate. Poor Kate, mean Jon. Poor both. Mean both. Enough already!

God knew when He designed us with emotions that we would be capable of such wonderful fellowship and love. He also knew that we would act like selfish idiots.

Dump Your Anger, Jon

Perhaps you recall my last open letter to Jon Gosselin. In that letter, I shared my support for Jon, how I related to his personality, and encouraged him to stand strong while new rumors were emerging and old ones were tired and true. I took some heat for the note and the post before it but expected as much.

After all, why would I or anyone else defend a man who appeared to not defend himself, who acted so passive, and who just kinda drifted through life? Why defend someone who was faking his faith and running a scam? Basically, why defend - and why pray for - a lying loser?

If you haven't asked yourself those questions, you've likely read the exact words or sentiments somewhere in the tabloid content streams.

Or maybe now you feel that way after being unable to ignore the news about his life away from Kate. So, why pray for Jon now? After all, he's had several relationships with different women in two months since filing for divorce. He doesn't seem to care what happens to his future ex-wife and kids. Clearly, he's more interested in himself and is looking out for number one. Sound like anything you've thought?

Fascinating.

The level of passion and emotion that was generally reserved for Kate and her Type-A personality and marriage/parenting skills are now being applied to Jon and his immaturity and sexual escapades.

Fact is, all anyone knows of Jon and this family is what is shown and read about them - some fact, some fiction. Thus, who are we to assume we know them and if we're even getting an accurate representation of the facts?

Jon and Kate both have had solo interviews "setting the record straight" but contradicted the others perspective. Such is divorce seen through the media lens.

So, I thought it was time for an updated open-letter to Jon:

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Jon,

You don't know me and what I know of you is likely less than 1% of your life. It's rather comical how people feel like they "know" someone from reading their books, reading articles and blogs about them, and watching videos of them. However, it's impossible to not relate to someone when "invited into their lives" on a weekly basis.

Not long ago you said, "I hate the way my emotions make me feel." I've always found that statement interesting. God designed us with feelings. So, if you hate that gift, what's the problem? Do you feel your emotions betray you? When you wanted to feel something were you not able to express those emotions?

It's just an unusual statement.

Jon, emotions can be great red-flags to what's going on in one's life: anger, fear, loneliness, and depression can all alert us to trouble. It's good to pay attention to your emotions.

Only you and Kate really know what happened to your marriage and it should be your business - between you and Kate. However, since you've invite people into your lives, everyone feels entitled to offer their opinion and advice. Plus, you each seem to have a different take on what happened. That's to be expected since emotions have washed the clarity of life from your eyes.

You and Kate say each other's goals are different and that you're two different people now. You claim in October 2008 Kate said, "I am done. You are going to live your life, and I am going to live my life." Kate has denied that claim.

He said, she said.

You both have said that you do everything for the children, that the show is for them, the house is for them, money from the show will send them all to college, Kate wears her wedding ring for them...to not upset them. You did everything for the children including claiming to be "in this together" and telling your children that you'll always be a family. "There are no other options."

But what did you do for each other? A couple cannot invest all their time in children, career, church, or whatever...and never invest quality time in growing their relationship.

No one's perfect, Christian or not, married or not, parents or not. It takes two to make a marriage. It takes two to get divorced. It doesn't matter who wanted out first, nor does it matter who tried or didn't try to save the marriage. There's enough blame to share.

James 1:19 says: But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

Jon, I think you've had a lot of anger build up over the years, and I pray you resolve this anger. It's shredded your marriage and encouraged multiple relationships...what's next?

There are four destructive patterns in a relationship that can produce anger and possibly produce divorce:

• Withdrawal. Walking away from an argument without resolving it.
  
  
• Escalation. Emotions increase to name calling, yelling or anger.
  
  
• Invalidation. Not allowing someone to feel like his own needs, feeling, or thoughts are valid.
  
  
• Negative Beliefs. Believing that the other person is intentionally trying to hurt or upset you.

Any of this sound like what you've been through? You and Kate are both angry and you each need to resolve it. But you are responsible for you and your actions. My prayer is that you deal with your anger now for your sake and the sake of your children.

If you're really willing to deal with your anger, how you relate to Kate will improve regardless of whether she addresses her own anger and regardless whether you both ever rebuild your marriage.

Anger has filled your heart and is choking out your relationship with God. It's causing you to make poor decisions. Letting go of this anger and forgiving Kate (and anyone else you're mad at) will give you peace and allow the Holy Spirit back into your life.

Ephesians 4:31–32 says Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Under His Grace & Mercy,
Rick Garner

Emotions Getting The Best Of You?

We often allow our emotions to "get the best of us." But what does that mean? Get the best of us? Perhaps it's to take our otherwise warm, charming, and rational self (a.k.a. "the best") and slop all that into a blender turned on high-puree.

It doesn't even have to be dramatic. Our emotions can get the best of us in mundane ways.

For instance, you see a certain person at work, in the neighborhood, at church, or where ever. You have this sudden, automatic, uncontrollable reaction to hide, look the other way, or talk to someone else. You try anything to avoid speaking to that person. Your emotions not only have gotten the best of you but you've also handed over control to that person! They're controlling how you respond. Avoiding or coming in contact with them may even determine the rest of your day's pace. Sounds silly, right?

We all have done this.

There's another way our emotions can get the best of us. My wife came across a web story about Jon and some accompanying video from their show. I absorbed all of five seconds and walked away not being able to tolerate the sound of Jon's voice.

There it was: resentment and judgment.

I had allowed my disapproval of Jon's decisions and his seemingly flippant mindset to taint my view of him. That evening, while on my nightly dog walk with the beagle, I asked God's forgiveness of my sin and prayed for Jon, Kate, and the Gosselin family. You see, having this little blog called "Jon and Kate Prayers" doesn't protect me from my own emotions or make me some prayer warrior. So easily we can take our focus off God and the voices of the world begin to bring us down.

Matthew 5:24 says "First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

In this chapter, Scriptures address how being angry with someone or holding contempt for them is the same as murder. Did you realize that? Our words and our thoughts can either empower, uplift, and encourage...or destroy and kill. You can go to church, pray, and lead a Christian lifestyle while being angry or resentful towards someone, but Scripture says we should make an effort to reconcile with that person first before trying to worship (come and offer your gift).

Who are you angry with today? Does the thought of someone drain you emotionally and make you sigh? Stop allowing them to control your day and control your life right now! Find a means to either reconcile with them or find a way to empower, uplift, and encourage them. If you've allowed your disappointment or disapproval of someone's actions to taint your view of them, at least turn from that and pray for them and yourself. But, again, if possible show them compassion and love.

Creds from Canada!

Who knew that "Jon and Kate Prayers" had such credentials in Canada? Recently, I stumbled across a wonderful review of this blog from Shelley Fralic, columnist for The Vancouver Sun:

Jon & Kate should go on a date. With God.

Her post begins, "Pray for the Gosselins. Well, that’s one solution to the reality couple’s troubled marriage, at least according to Rick Garner, whose Twitter bio says says he’s a “son, brother, husband, father, friend, and hard-workin’ webmonkey from Mississippi who loves Jesus, family and friends!”

The post continues with highlights from this blog including excerpts and details of its features and tools. Since Ms Fralic is syndicated, I've seen her column on a variety of websites. What a wonderful blessing and honor to have such a kind review of this blog shared via multiple websites!

Read Ms. Fralic's blog, Social Studies.